I am more than my jobs. I mean come on. Right?

 No job talk here. 

I live in a booming sea side town on the east coast of the US. Should I just tell you the city??? Yeah. I'm in Charleston, SC. I don't live downtown, yet. I really want to. I feel like living downtown would make it easy to romanticize your life. Downtown Charleston is very picturesque. The architecture is european and colorful. In the summer Confederate Jasmine is blooming everywhere, and it smells so fucking good. Wisteria too at the start of spring. It doesn't bloom for long. So yes, there are many things I like about downtown and I could write a whole post future tripping about what my days would look like living there. 

I live with my wonderful boyfriend. We will call him Cornelius. So funny- sometimes when we go into coffee shops where they ask for your name, he will give the barista the silliest name instead of his real name. It makes me laugh. C is hilarious. He's a trip. He is also very smart, although not very handy. He likes to read and play his video game. He also goes to the gym. I'm proud of him, he's getting pretty jacked. He's got a big ole chest. C and I have been together for 2 years this August. We pretty much started dating immediately. I really think I will marry him, that is if he doesn't leave me first lol. I am emotionally immature. Or just mentally unstable. Something like that. My feelings are normally pretty big. Anyway- I like C's family too, and they like me. He's got a brother, mom, dad, (they're divorced), and a bunch of cousins too. They are fun! C is also from Connecticut. I LOVE it up there. I've been in SC my whole life. I can't see the beauty as much as others in this city because I've been here for forever. Here being a radius of like 40 miles. But CT... I would live there. 

I don't know if C and I will ever move to another city. We'll see. That would be a brand spanking new, exciting experience for me. C has already done that though, since him and his brother moved from CT to Charleston. I want to talk about something else. 

I don't really do much when I'm not working. But the few things you could find me doing are:

Crying in bed, rotting my brain on social media, hanging out with my sister and her husband and baby, reading, rearranging my house, watering my plants, organizing everything I fucking own when I take my vyvance, or thrift shopping. I really don't do much, and I hate this about myself. Something else to think about; what do I want to be doing? If there were no limitations or weird feelings involved what would I be doing? I would be:

Hanging out with friends, going to the gym or joining a studio of some sort, drinking wine at some bar everyday, working on a business of my own (kind of already did, talk about it later), planning a trip out of the country, or maybe even traveling for work. An observation. I am really lonely. But like dude. Why is it so fucking hard to make friends as an adult. 

Do you remember those super tight friendships you had as a kid? Like do everything together. If you are still friends with that person you are SO fucking lucky. Seriously. Hold on to that friendship with you life. I think for those of us who did lose those friendships, we replace when with romantic relationships. Or maybe that's just what I've done. 

So do I have friends? I mean I guess so right? There's one girl I worked with a we hung out a few times. I need to pick it back up. Another questions to ponder; Why is it so hard, for me at least, to just keep up with what could be a wonderful friendship? Like I crave what I see other groups of girls have, as far as friendships go. I could have that. So why don't I? Do I really even want it, if I'm not really trying to get it? This is an interesting question that could be applied to anything you want in life. If there is something you really want and it is perfectly achievable, then why can't we just like, go get it. Is it simply depression that is in the way? Self sabotage? Social anxiety? Can anyone answer this question for me???? I don't know if I can even answer this for myself. 

This little essay sure is all over the place. But so it my brain, and the point of this entire blog is to let you experience my inner dialog as it comes. I am literally just writing out my thoughts. 

I'm sitting on my couch now, I drove home from that bagel spot. I want to write about something else. Ending this post now. 

Side note before I end, I am thinking I should make social medias to go along with my Plain Jane blog. I want people to be able to relate to me and maybe feel better about themselves. So I need to reach people. I look into doing that. Pinterest? Lemon8? Maybe Instagram? Maybe one day if I keep up with this it can become my full time job. That would be cool. I full time job just writing about yourself. Am I a narcissist?